Love Letter

When we were in college, our parents came to visit us one weekend and brought with them two wrapped presents.  It wasn’t our birthday or any other holiday where gifts might be exchanged, so it was a fun surprise to be getting a gift.  What was inside was truly one of the best and most beautiful gifts I’ve ever gotten. 

It was a journal that my mom had started when we were newborns and continued up until the day that she wrapped it up and put a bow on it.   She wrote one for each of us as well as my younger brother and sister, and they are basically her love letters to us.  About 20 years’ worth of love letters.  When in life do you ever get an entire notebook full of love letters all at once?  To be honest, the love that was poured into this journal was so overwhelming to me that I couldn’t even read it.  Especially without crying.  It took me several years before I was able to read the whole thing all the way through.   And my teardrops can now be found on the pages throughout.

In my journal, she told me what I was like as a baby – my disposition, favorite foods, how well I slept at night, and so on.  These kinds of updates continued on throughout the years as she wrote.  But the bulk of the journal is filled with her observations of watching me grow and learn and become the person that I am today.  She wrote of her wishes for me, her love for me, the frustrations that she felt during some difficult times, her pride in the person that I was becoming, etc… 

What an absolute gift to be able to know what my mom was thinking and feeling and learning as she raised me and watched me grow.  Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  It is one of my most treasured possessions. 

Now, as I am pregnant with my own child, I find this journal to be even more meaningful.  I think that being able to see how my own mom felt and dealt with things during different stages in my life will help me to be a better mother.  For example, how did she feel watching me go off to my first day of school?  Help me get through heartbreak during my first breakup?  Get through packing up and sending off two of her kids to college at the same time?  I haven’t even met my baby yet, and I’m already dreading the thought of that!

One thing I know for sure is that I will absolutely be continuing this tradition with my children.  And I plan to start soon with at least one letter written to my baby before I get to meet him or her.  I already have so many things that I’d like to say.  Like what a joy it is to be able to feel this baby that I have yet to meet, and how I wonder who it is that’s growing inside of me and what s/he will be like.  I just need to find the perfect book to use – one that will be very durable and can withstand a few tears.

--Bridget